The definition of sexual abuse and incest states that sexual abuse and incest are more than sexual acts–they affect all aspects of the survivor’s life. The manifestation of sexual abuse and incest take many forms of abuse that occur during childhood. There are the violence and violation of physical abuse, the self-esteem consequences of emotional abuse, and often the actual or perceived abandonment of the non-perpetrator(s) or parent(s) and the confusion and chaos caused within a dysfunctional family environment. Sexual abuse is the most devastating form of abuse a child can endure. It robs the child of a childhood, of innocence, of ownership of his or her body, and of the potential for his or her healthy sexual development. It damages trust and disrupts bonding. It isolates the child in an unpredictable, emotionally confusing bond with the perpetrator who has security through secrecy and threats. In short, sexual abuse and incest damages the child.s mind, body and spirit.

Every aspect of the child’s physical, emotional, mental, behavioral, sexual, and spiritual self is compromised. The capacity for the child to relate in healthy ways is affected. Although there are common denominators within the various aspects of the effects of sexual abuse, I will address each separately.

In summary, the legacy of every unhealed sexual abuse survivor includes diminished self-worth, limited ability to trust, and the burden of a shameful secret she or he cannot express. This legacy leaves the survivor’s ability to develop necessary social contacts inhibited. She remains co-dependent on her caretakers–her nuclear or extended family, foster parents or her surrogate family, babysitter, doctor or priest–who are frequently her abusers. Tragically, once she has been abused, other perpetrators recognize her vulnerability and she will become victim to another abuser. She is left with the tremendous conflict of–feeling a need to .keep her guard up. while never ‘needing anyone’; simultaneously, the festering wound of the abuse and neglect forces her desperation to ‘fill it.’ The conflicting messages in her childhood were not, ‘Come here and I will abuse you,’ but, ‘Come here because I love you and I want to show affection’; she was deceived, and the affection she expected was in fact abuse. Thus, the expected affection can no longer be trusted. She has learned that the appearance of love is something quite different, and she cannot trust it or feel safe.

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