WHAT TO DO:

• DO learn about abuse aftereffects and the healing process.
• DO use and encourage the Survivor to use empowering language.
• DO help the Survivor make choices.
• DO validate feelings.
• DO encourage therapy for the Survivor, and possibly yourself. Separately
  and together.
• Do learn and practice effective communication techniques.
• Do learn and practice assertive communication skills.
• DO learn and practice time-out skills.
• DO respect boundaries and limits.
• DO communicate openly about sexuality.
• DO allot time and resources for the healing process.
• DO learn to play.
• DO allot time to be together.
• DO allot time to be apart.
• DO serve as a healthy role model.
• Do blame the offender(s), NOT the Survivor.
• DO plan for crises (including possibly suicidal thoughts).
• DO be honest about your feelings.
• DO acknowledge progress in the healing process.
• DO reinforce strengths of the Survivor and the relationship.
• DO believe in the Survivor and in the healing process.

WHAT TO AVOID:

• Avoid taking the Survivor’s outbursts personally.
• Avoid being a martyr.
• Avoid isolating yourself, even though, the Survivor is.
• Avoid humoring the Survivor into cheerfulness.
• Avoid insisting the Survivor forgive and forget.
• Avoid overwhelming the Survivor with your own anger/frustration regarding
  the abuse.
• Avoid making pronouncements regarding a “cure” or insist the Survivor hurry
  the healing process.
• Avoid setting timetables or give ultimatums to the Survivor.
• Avoid giving the Survivor your version how s/he needs to heal.

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